Attachment / Aversion
Our attachment to our likes and to our dislikes rank as the third and fourth causes of our personal and collective suffering according to Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras. Most of the decisions which we make throughout our lives are influenced from the unconscious motivation to move towards that which pleases us and retract from that which displeases us. Because these two influences are hidden from our conscious mind, they subtly rule our decisions and shape our destiny.
In the depths of our being, rests a seed. This seed is the core of our being which is unchanging and eternal. Our deepest Self is pure awareness unaffected by the external world and free from all its limitations. To penetrate to the core of our being requires that we harness our mind’s potential and utilize it for the realization of our true Self. Due to our misunderstanding of the role of our mind, we take ownership of it and use it like a web browser seeking endless satisfaction and avoiding frustration in the vast external world of experiences. The trouble is, external experiences will only provide us with temporary pleasure and not the lasting joy which we are seeking.
Verses 2.7 & 2.8 of the Yoga Sutras investigate the chain of suffering which is created by raga-dvesha or attachment and aversion. These forces pull us out of the present moment and back into our memories distorting our perception. The more that we allow our attachments and aversions to manipulate us, the deeper the groove of ignorance grows further conditioning our biased lens. Our prejudices and opinions harden into ridged points of view which stifle our creativity and deaden our vitality. When we unhook ourselves from our likes and dislikes, we are free to meet the moment at hand with clarity and flexibility.
“Affliction that has pleasure as its resting ground is attachment.”
Raga - The Third Affliction
Perhaps more so than the samskaras of avidya and asmita, the role of attachment in our lives is relatively simple to understand. When we have an experience which was pleasurable, we file it away in our memory. When we are reminded of the experience, we desire to recreate it so we can experience pleasure once again. Unfortunately, the experience was not the source of the pleasure. It simply reflected back the inner joy which is our true Self. During the pleasurable experience, our mind was satisfied and harmonious. In that moment, there was nothing else to seek or concern our mind with, we were content. But as soon as the moment ends, we find ourselves restless and ready to recreate the experience once again.
When we try to reinvent the experience, we often find that it falls short from the original version which we hold so tenderly in our memory. This leads us to disappointment and the mind enters into a tail spin reliving other moments of despondency in our lives. Suddenly we are in a state of victimhood, “why doesn’t anything work out for me?” If we do not learn to free ourselves from the cycle of likes and dislikes we will remain victims in our lives because it appears that we have no other choice.
When the mind is in a contracted state and under the influence of the conditioned self or “I-am-ness,” we tend to view the world as something to fear and which lacks possibility. When our mind is expansive, we view the world as a field of opportunity and creativity. The mind contracts when it is operating under the influence of our attachments and expands exponentially when we untangle ourselves from this affliction. Unraveling our attachments requires utilizing our will and building a resiliency to society’s messaging that we will only be satisfied by doing more of what we like.
“Affliction that has pain as its resting ground is aversion.”
Dvesha - The Fourth Affliction
Often when we dislike doing something, we avoid it, procrastinate, distract ourselves or find other things to do which we deem to be more important at the time. It takes energy to avoid our circumstances. As our vitality wanes our will and determination evaporate. We begin to feel more bogged down and the task is still waiting for us to tend to it. Overtime, the task may even become a bigger hurdle due our negligence. The deadline is around the corner, the squeaky belt in the car turned into a bigger issue, the avoided conversation has created deeper resentment and our anxieties increase.
There is little doubt that we will have to do many things throughout our lives which will not be at the top of our enjoyment list. But if we do face the job at hand with enthusiasm and willingness, we may find that it wasn’t as bad as we were making it out to be. And even if the task ends up being an unpleasant experience, our discernment reminds us that it is only temporary. The key to working with attachments and aversions is realizing that whichever end of the spectrum we are on, it will eventually transform into something else. Yoga is the practice of staying fluid with our experiences and allowing them to be as they are. We are the ones who label it to be, “good,” or “bad.” And if we have a variety of fixed opinions from person to person about what is good or bad, then how real are our personal opinions in the first place?
Why is this relevant?
I observe the kleshas play out on a daily basis with my 11 year old daughter. She believes that the things outside of herself are what bring her pleasure and wield against her to create her sorrow. I watch her lament about what hasn’t met her expectations. Moments later, the table has turned and she has attained the object of desire and her tears dry up with a radiant smile on her face. I watch her create her suffering day after day. I try to remind her that the thing or the person is not what causes her to experience happiness or sadness. She listens for about a half of a second and then gets back on the roller coaster of likes and dislikes with all of their excitement and disappointments. The roller coaster is addicting because it never completes a loop of satisfaction. We rush back in line to do it all over again.
Our likes and dislikes have destroyed life on this planet throughout history. We mistreat the planet as if she has unlimited resources which are solely for our temporary pleasures. We mistreat animals infringing on their right to exist and intrude upon their natural environment. This intrusion has created zoonotic viruses which have allegedly led to SARS, MERS, Ebola, HIV and COVID 19 to name a few. Our likes and dislikes create the imbalances on our planet which reach critical tipping points. Because our selfish choices often take years of accumulation to bring devastating results, we often fool ourselves to believe that our personal choices don’t have a lasting impact.
In the United State of America, we are observing a society which pivots on likes and dislikes and our rigid opinions are taking lives. We became “fatigued” from sheltering in place. We didn’t like it. So then the pendulum swung and the moment we were able to, we ran to all the things we missed and were not able to do. Whether we want to face it or not, there is a greater degree of immediate risk built into our self-centered choices as Covid-19 rages through the U.S.
We are so bound to our rigidity that we unwilling to consider a different way of doing things. We are so obsessed by the idea of personal freedom that we will let our neighbor die if it means that we have to temporarily sacrifice our personal pleasure for the sake of collective well being. We are so hypnotized by our desire for pleasure that white culture has turned its back on the black community because it would inconvenience our ability to feel good. For too long, the cycle of attachments and aversions has perpetuated an unjust world fueled by competition and greed.
Caught in the cycle of likes and dislikes leaves us feeling empty and alone. Our bodies, minds, emotional and psychological well-being suffer. Our relationships are compromised because we battle over whose preferences will be honored and whose will be slighted. In the endless cycle of dissatisfaction, we take more and give less. As we busy our lives holding the lines of our rigid opinions, our view of the other is distorted and we lose sight of the art of cooperation and flexibility. On the surface it would appear that we have to let go of something we treasure, but true joy and collective freedom arise when we release ourselves from the tethers of our attachments and aversions.